2. the price

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. When it is time to die, let us not discover that we have never lived.

(Henry David Thoreau)

Oof. Ouch. 

If this quote doesn’t sting when you think about the price you’ve paid for social media, good for you, but for me, it hit a little too close to my heart. What is the amount of life I’ve exchanged (invested?) in social media?

I think of all the times my kids have called me, “Mommy! Mama! Mommy! Mom!” repeatedly before I finally tear my glossed over gaze from my phone - or even worse, tell them exasperatedly, “Hold ON, babies, Mama is doing something,” then inwardly feeling like the biggest asshole ever because nothing I could possibly be doing on my phone is more important than whatever they want to show me. 

I think of the car rides, zoned out on Instagram, where my husband interrupts my social media binging by nudging me or asking gently, “Hey, can I get some company here?” Every minute I get with him is a gift, but I don’t act like it. 

I honestly fear that maybe the world is now moving too quickly and it won’t be possible to slow down; I fear I’ll fall out of town by regressing back to the days of email connection, writing on my blog, and trusting that the people who really need me have my phone numbers. 

But I fear more the idea of changing nothing, letting these years of young motherhood pass while my kids are sucked into Netflix and I’m glued to my phone, then one day waking up and I miss them, and don’t remember the best parts of their childhood because I was just too fucking distracted. 

Ouch.

If this experiment leads me somewhere good, it will be to exchange less life for social media, and to invest whatever minutes I do have there in a mindful and loving way. It will be to move closer to the hour of my death, absolutely certain that I am living, unshakably strong in the conviction that I am alive and I am here, wherever here is in each moment. 

The most common regret upon dying is living a life aligned with other people's expectations, rather than following the path our own courage calls us to, the path of authenticity, fearlessness, and liberation. 

When I get brutally honest with myself about letting go of social media for a year, this is what I find: 

I’m afraid no one will pay attention to me. 

I’m afraid I won’t earn enough money. 

I’m afraid I’ll fall behind and not be able to catch up. 

No one will pay attention to me…

What is the amount of life I exchange for the perceived attention of other people? How many of those people, if we shared the same physical space, would I actually want to get close to? Over the past decade, I’ve formed and abandoned so many relationships via social media, even with people that I genuinely do want to be closer to. And half the time, when I have people’s attention, I don’t want it. I just want to wander off into nature, crawl into my cozy bed, or pull away from the crowd and get lost in my own creativity or deeper 1:1 connection. 

I won’t earn enough money… 

How much life have I exchanged worrying about being financially resourced? When I’m honest and actually look at the data, the growth and health of my business finances has been wildly non-linear, and only somewhat connected to the energy I put forth on social media. When I started my first business, Stoked Yogi, I had 300 followers on Instagram and literally ZERO expectation of it bringing me clients. I didn’t rely on it, it would have been silly to, so I worked instead on growing my business through SEO, local organic marketing, events, collaborations, and word of mouth. Most of all? By providing an incredible customer experience and trusting people would tell their friends, and come back for more.

Here’s what I know to be true: energy goes where attention flows. Nothing compares to the power of an aligned decision. If I decide I will be FULLY financially resourced growing my business off social media, it’s gonna happen. Period. Full stop. 

We could have a whole conversation about what ‘enough money’ means but the simple truth is that when I critically examine this fear belief, it’s patently false. And also, guess what?!? Social media is literally not going anywhere. If I am having a money freak-out and need to go sell a program on Instagram, NO ONE IS GONNA STOP ME. 

I’ll fall behind and not be able to catch up…

Fall behind… what? Not catch up to… who? 

I’m literally scratching my head, face scrunched up all quizzical as I try to figure out what imaginary race I am running (it’s the rat race, duh, the one we’ve been conditioned into) that insists on me hamster-wheeling my way towards some illusory finish line. 

There’s no finish there. There’s no way there there. There’s nowhere to get to, nowhere to go, nowhere to BE EXCEPT HERE. 

The point and purpose of life is living. I couldn’t ’fall behind’ if I tried. 

Now, will I perhaps be a slow, late, or non-adopter of the next social media trend? Totally. 

Will I miss the boat on whatever the fuck AI is doing this year (apparently running my business while I sleep, says the Instagram ads). Yup.

But is it even POSSIBLE for me to miss what’s meant for me? 

Everything in my being says no. Gently, softly, tenderly, she says:

No, beloved, of course you cannot miss one iota, one breath, one tender thread of what’s meant for you. You have no need to fear. Trust your heart, and keep going.