88. spark of life

I woke up this morning to an eerily quiet house, with none of the ordinary sounds of humming or buzzing electronics - only the gentle rushing sound of wind outside, and the light tapping of rain. 

We lost power sometime in the night. I’m guessing shortly after midnight based on the battery level of my phone. In my just-waking-sleepiness, I heard Brent and River talking about the power cut and decided to snuggle more deeply in bed. 

I recalled the Sun’s movements through the sky, and knew that in this foggy, cozy, analog moment, the Sun was also cozied up right next to Neptune at 29º Pisces - the sign of endings, dreams, confusion, delusion, fantasy, poetry, and letting go. 

It feels uncoincidental to me that the solar energies fused with Neptune’s powers of dissolution during this time, following last week’s eclipse - softening the harsh edges of what was revealed, bringing in more compassion, and perhaps confirming something we are in the midst of releasing - fully, finally, and completely.

“This is the feeling of the last hours of winter,” I said to myself, as I burrowed more deeply into my sheets, drawing the duvet up around my shoulders and listening appreciatively to the subtle sounds of life without electricity. 

I knew that in two short hours, the Sun would move into Aries, the first fire sign, the marker of new beginnings, courage, initiative, and rebirth through the spark of life. I wondered to myself absently if the power would come back on around that time (it did). In the northern hemisphere in this little corner of Portugal, the arrival of spring brought sprays of poppies to the fields, gusting winds of change, and a resurgence of power, not just to our home, but to my heart, body, and life. 

We made it - the astrological new year is here. But… there may be something that’s not quite settled yet - something that is asking for reflection, revision, review, and realignment over the next 21 days, as Venus and Mercury complete their retrogrades. It’s as though, instead of bursting through the door, guns blazing, we are being asked to stay in a slow start to the season that’s opening, and even venture backwards in relation to our thought patterns, communications, values and relationships, to really ensure that what’s meant to transmute, transform, and transcend this eclipse portal finds it’s way. 

What are you still halfway holding onto? What is clearly asking you to let go, but you’re waiting to feel just a little more certain? What has been falling apart, bringing bewilderment and confusion to your world even as you hold onto the fantasy or delusion of what you hoped it would be?

I won’t share what it is for me (not yet, anyway), but I will share this: the eclipse illuminated an emotional and energetic pattern in my life that is calling for release. It will also require releasing certain relationships. In the hours after the eclipse, as Mercury stationed retrograde, I started looking back at all the events, evidence, and experiences which were part of this pattern. I felt myself re-evaluating the players involved, and noticed a fiery anger in my belly. Over the past five days, these revelations swirled in confusion, but today they landed in a courageous clarity that it is time to move on and embrace the tenderness of a new beginning.

Cross-culturally, the equinox is a time of balance, transformation, and renewal. It can be a rebirth (spring) or a harvest (fall), but either way it is where we stand straddling day and night, light and dark, endings and beginnings. It is where we can see both sides, sense the power of choice, and consciously orient ourselves to the season to come. 

In the northern hemisphere, we can meet this equinox with a willingness to reignite our fires of passion - or perhaps light a new spark of creativity - in the direction of what we are most willing to fight for. 

I’ve had the strangest feeling for about a week that something is coming, or that there was something I was meant to be doing, but couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was. I’d been resisting an outreach project on my to-do list, because it required me to be brave and bold and outgoing. I felt foggy, confused, and uncertain. 

Today - with the arrival of the spark of life - I feel different. 
Not quite ready for action yet, but as though the spark is meeting the embers of my inner knowing, kindling a fire that will steadily grow, warm, and light what is coming next. 

Today - with the arrival of the cosmic new year - I feel a sizzle.
Like something is awakening with the first buds of spring that will help me remember that life and growth are our most natural impulse. 

Today - with the arrival of the maiden warrior - I feel a new pulse.
An enlivening of my lifeblood, flexing of my muscles, straightening of my spine and a warming of my spirit that speaks to my being and says “YES, right here. This is the starting line.”

For what, I still don’t know, but maybe the answer is everything. Maybe this spark of life is the starting line for anything and everything we choose to embrace. 

This is the starting line for the most courageous expression of myself in my soul work. 

This is the starting line for wildly honest and bold communications in my relationships. 

This is the starting line for embodied knowing, intelligent boundaries, sovereignty and integrity.

This is the starting line for a redefined relationship with money and unapologetic self-resourcing.

This is the starting line for whole-self, full presence, playful parenting.

This is the starting line for my 40th solar year and the rest of my beautiful life.

Aries gets portrayed as a hothead, and maybe there’s some truth in that. But my hot take is that Aries is the fierce, feral, no-fucks-given courage that activates us to run headlong towards our destiny. Without Aries energy, we’d never be young enough or dumb enough to go after what we really want. It’s the brash, bold, brave ram who charges forward, head down - no guts, no glory - and runs with every ounce of energy it has towards the good fight, towards what is life-giving and wild and true. 

Aries looks us right in the face, and dares us to own what we want.

Then it double dog dares us to stand the fuck up and fight for it.

So my question to you is, as we move through the next few weeks, will you listen to the song in your blood? Will you listen to what turns you on, and what makes your blood boil? Will you listen to what speaks of aliveness in your bones? Will you listen to the untamed, uncivilized, unfiltered, unapologetic, unfuckwithable part of yourself that is calling you forward towards that which scares you and calls your name? 

Think of the power of that first spark of life: friction, fusion, or fission, and suddenly, a flame of life-giving potential blazes into existence, and brings with it the potential for a roaring fire of aliveness. 

In the explosive energy of becoming, it challenges us with its final dare: 

Your life is NOW. GO LIVE IT.