57. purpose

In the Upanishads, a wise sage addresses the issues of what to do in the dark times. He is being questioned at the court of a powerful ruler who understands the material world but realizes that at times a deeper knowledge of existence is required.

Beginning with what he knows best, the king asks the sage, “By what light, do human beings go out, do their work and return?”

“By the light of the sun,” answers the sage.

“But if the light of the sun is extinguished?” inquires the king.

“Then, by the light of the moon, they will go.”

And so question and answer proceeded, each exchange leading to a darker place:

If the moon is extinguished, then by the starlight; 

if even the stars are cancelled, then by the light of a fire. 

“But, what if the fire of life is in danger of being quenched? What then?” the king finally wants to know. 

The sage replies:

“By the light of the self.”

***

The theme of purpose has been arising lately in my coaching sessions. The theme of shadow has been arising in my scholarly pursuits, and the theme of the fertile darkness has been alive in my live the past many years. 

What does it mean to ‘go by the light of the self?’

To answer, we need to look back at the king’s initial question: “By what light, do human beings go out, do their work, and return?” On the surface, this seems to be speaking to the physical light which illuminates a person’s daily toils. But, we might also understand it to mean: what force illuminates the continual path or pursuit of meaning in life? We could even consider it as an inquiry into what guides a person from the ‘darkness’ of the beyond into the radiance of incarnation and back again? What moves us to journey from non-doing into doing, and back again? 

Perhaps the mystical perspective on this subject is unsatisfactory for many, but it’s my rainbow take on the question of purpose, direction, and meaning. 

When someone asks me, “how can I know that I am on my path?” I honestly wonder to myself, “how could you possibly be on anyone else’s?” But what they often are speaking to is the desire for confirmation that they are living according to a deeper purpose, that their life holds some deeper meaning than what is present on the surface of each day.

Even in the seasons of life, circumstances or relationships where we feel dissonance, incongruence, or agitation, it doesn’t mean that we are on the ‘wrong path.’ But, it might mean that we have forgotten how to journey by the light of the self. Consider this sentiment:

What is wiser than thought ‘knows’ even when our minds do not, and moves in its own wholeness with clarity and compassion. When we are deeply listening from the heart of silence, each moment is new.

I think there are more valuable questions to explore than whether we are ‘doing it right,’ or even living our purpose, whatever form it may take at the time. Because the pursuit of purpose is really the quest for meaning, so instead, we might create a practice of asking ourselves: 

In this time of my life, where am I finding or making the deepest meaning? 

The meaning of life in general broad terms is irrelevant. We cannot grasp the final purpose of life or even our entire life, just as the branch can never grasp the purpose of the tree. Rather than aim for something transcendent, what if we orient to the message of the moment, by coming into full contact with what is immanent?

The immanent, our human experience and domain proper, with all the affiliations, aversions, cravings, and sensations is the way IN, towards transcendence. Loving inclusion, being fully human, requires a taste for paradox, how multiple truths can exist at the same time. 

One one hand, all our experiences and stories (that which makes me, me) matter. On the other hand, these are like the waves in the ocean, not defining the water itself. We can hold the immanent ‘truth’ as valuable, and the higher transcendent ‘truth’ as equally valuable.

This is not to say the search for meaning is unimportant. Making meaning, and the search for meaning, is an essential human need. The search for meaning is perhaps the truest expression of being human. 

But when we die, I suspect we will look back at our lives and sense something woven through the whole that we may never understand by examining the parts, or even the sum of them.

Viktor Frankl said, ““The radius of your activity is not important, what matters is whether you fill the circle of your tasks.” What we are doing, or how far our influential reach is, is far less important than how we show up in the moments, spaces and circumstances life presents. 

Meaning can be found in every stage and arena of life. Meaning is unique to each life and circumstance, and the greatest opportunity to experience meaning is present in every single moment. This might be how we show up in the DMV, in the most chance encounters, in traffic, how we treat people, our environment, other beings, Earth, moment to moment. We can find meaning under completely inhumane circumstances of suffering through aligning our attitude to our values. 

So I’ll ask you, where are you finding meaning right now? 

How might this be different if you knew you had another 200 years to live? Where would you place your attention to align with a sense of purpose? 

What if you knew for certain you only had one year left? What would shift in your personal compass?

How can we open to meaning more deeply when we start from exactly where we are, and recognize that in each second there are a million possibilities? 

When we have a loss of beauty, meaning, or longing for life, and feel that life is happening to us, what is the possibility to claim agency, responsibility, and turn towards life? 

I think to go by the light of the Self is to trust that even in the darkest of times, even in the deepest place of uncertainty, even in the days that are coming ahead, that there is a guiding force which can serve as a lamplight unto our feet - but we can’t expect it to light up everything around us. Sometimes it may not even light up our next ‘right’ step. 

However, we might use it to just remind ourselves that we have feet - that we are here and we matter. Living my purpose, moment to moment, might be as simple as noticing what feels meaningful, or what values I can align with to show up more fully wherever I am. 

Meaning is not derived from the magnitude of the act, but the flavor of space. What IS is the ground we stand on; it is we who create the valence of each moment. 

Purpose may just be this simple: Show up whole-heartedly, find or make meaning in the moment, align to the values we hold dear, and keep going, keep going, keep going  - no matter how bright or dark the skies - keep walking by the light of the self.