79. sick day

It finally got me. The kids have been down with the flu off and on for nearly two weeks, then a few days ago my mother in law and sister in law came to visit from the United States. 

Over the past two years, I’ve observed that when anyone flies (especially internationally) it is nearly guaranteed that they will arrive with a germ (or many). 

I did my best to prepare, gobbling garlic with honey, drinking extra tea, popping vitamin C tablets; alas, my efforts have failed. 

I am ill. 

I am exhausted...

and I am home alone with a 4 year old, while the rest of the family does visiting-Portugal things.

So this is going to be short, and mostly a reflection of comforting myself and providing gentle assurance that it’s gonna be okay, and I’m gonna get through this. 

I have to travel to the states next week for a school immersion, which ordinarily I would be excited about, but right now the prospect mostly seems daunting. 

Long haul travel during the peak of flu season sounds horrible and a surefire way to stay sick.

Traveling into and out of the USA at all right now sounds like overload for my nervous system.

Gathering for three days to dive deep into shadow work just sounds like… too much feeling. 

When I am sick, I want to be babied, cared for, or left entirely alone. I want to curl up in bed and sleep for twenty three hours, with only my heating pad and a pot of mint tea for company. I don’t want to have to speak, cook, stand, drive, play, or literally any other activity related to parenting - except maybe cuddle, but when I am really sick, I don’t want that either. 

The worst part about being sick as a parent is that no one pities you. I told River about eight hundred times today that I am sick and not able to do our normal routine, but he just stood firm, demanding a turkey sandwich, Bluey on TV, his art supplies, and whatever else struck his fancy. 

Idk about you, but when I am sick I’m also generally a real downer. I find it hard to see the silver lining, and feel like the best course of action would be to crawl into a hole and die. 

Everyone has different bodily sensitivities, and mine is the lungs. When I get a respiratory infection, ever since I was a baby, I get a cough so bad that I can’t sleep for days and uncontrollable fits that make me throw up. 

So, today sucks. 

If you needed a permission slip for a vent session, here it is; signed, sealed, delivered, I’m listening.