85. eclipsing

I am writing this within an hour of the Virgo full moon total lunar eclipse. Honestly, I don’t really want to be writing it. I don’t want to be doing anything right now, except laying down and just letting the energy ride. 

I’ve been weird lately. Like, something feels a little off in my brain ever since that intense flu last week. I’ve still got a cough that feels like it might hang on for a while. But beyond that even, I’ve been feeling remarkably pensive for many days now and can’t quite put my finger on why or even what in particular I am pensive about. I’m just quiet, kind of distracted, and feel as though I’m waiting for my soul to catch up to my body. 

Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, except both the shoes are still on my feet… only I’m not entirely sure they’re my shoes. They seem familiar, but then again… what was I talking about?

I also noticed that this spacey, distracted, unfocused energy happens to be showing up in my motivation levels, too. I did a workout yesterday and today, for the first time in about eight days, since getting sick. And I am writing (duh, as you can read), but it’s halfhearted, like the passionate piece is missing. I’m writing, but not really saying much. 

But the faltering feeling I’m having with this writing project also happens to be unfolding as we reach the 80-somethingth day… when I promised myself that the first ‘real finish line’ of my commitment was March 21, spring equinox here in the northern hemisphere… which is 8 days away.

My ADHD brain really has a thing with the 85% mark. It’s like all of a sudden, all the motors grind to a slow, intermittent pace. Something funny is happening, like my brain thinks since we are at 85% of 100 posts, that somehow we’re done. Nevermind that I promised myself 365 days, and 85 / 365 is only like… 23% complete. 

Whoa that’s overwhelming, not gonna think about that. 

Idk about you but I feel very eclipse-y. Like I’m getting some new energetic level program downloads but have no idea what they are, and my system has been taken partially offline while the new way of being loads. 

I stood staring at the moon tonight, just long enough to see the rose pattern start to emerge from the back of the moon, just long enough to feel the force of the moon pulsating into my body, the shape of her energetic signature dancing on the backs of my eye sockets, permeating my cells. 

I feel weird tonight. I think the only sensible thing to do is stop trying to put it into words, let myself be strangely, space-ily, half-heartedly, distractedly, weirdly however I am. I’m going to go stare at the moon a little more, then let myself dream strange dreams.

Wishing you a fruitful eclipsing of whatever is shifting for you. 

See you on the other side.