5. delusional

The problem with all or nothing thinking is that my brain has a tendency to lump self-judgment into just two binary categories: whatever I've done is either completely amazing or totally shit.

I’ll either have the absolute best idea in the world that will only be acceptable with perfect, consistent execution, or a complete flop and failure if I only do it partially, or have to stop midway. 

Combine this with an ADHD brain prone to completing (on a good day) 80% of a task and reaching dopamine sufficiency, then squirreling off to another completely amazing, completely unrelated project never to return to the first.

And you have a recipe for disaster. Or, at least, shame. 

Did you know the word disaster has star origins? It stems from the Italian disastro, an ‘ill-starred’ event. So maybe it was never meant to be for me to complete that task in the first plan (you know, the plan of 'cracking the code' on social media so I can easefully pump out beautiful, high converting content every single day and live into my many-coach-promised era of ABUNDANCE AND EASE. That one)

On the other hand, this next one is different - I am SO FULL of enthusiasm, excitement, initiative, passion, I’m practically bubbling over - and it feels like destiny for me to complete it. 

Destiny has Latin roots meaning ‘of the stars,’ suggesting that what unfolds for us is tied to the eternal movement of the cosmos, which is continually working to pull us into greater areas of consciousness and understanding. 

Destiny, or disaster. Either way, I can blame the stars for whether I complete a project - or for that matter, even start. 

That’s not what I was going to write about today. 

I was going to talk about Bluey.

The kids are home for winter break, which means from the moment they awake between 6-7am, and 10pm at night, they are here. Like, right here, in my face, on my lap, in the living room, in my office, asking for bananas and Paw Patrol and to add something to their Christmas list - no matter what I happen to be doing. 

Normally we don’t do TV upon waking up. I have a strict (all or nothing) belief that watching TV first thing in the morning will derail the rest of the day by flooding their brains with dopamine, resulting in two totally unhinged, feral, scattered, anxious and short-tempered rapscallions for 14 hours to come. 

So, absolutely no TV in the mornings. 

I am also very firm on what I am committed to for this writing practice - no phone upon waking. No screens until my ACS pages are done. 

That way, my brain is PURE unfiltered gold, thoughts trickling in still from the astral realm, weaving brilliant intuitive insights with my elegant prose, as I sit and sip my matcha, watching hues of blue, pink, and gold paint the sky as the sun gently climbs above the horizon -

“MOM!!! Mama can you go get my Chase my paw patrol my DIS?” River interrupts my reverie and flow of concentration to request - for the third time - that I retrieve the small lime green piece of plastic, an essential component of his Chase ready rescue toy, from where it lies on the floor, 6 feet away. 

“This is the last time, buddy, you can get it yourself, okay?” I dutifully grab the rocket-cannon-plastic-whatever-the-fuck-it-is and hand it back to him. When I stand up to get it, Tanner climbs into my spot on the couch and tucks himself in next to my matcha, wrapping himself in my blanket. 

I look at the computer, open, waiting for my morning pages. 

I look at the TV playing Bluey, turned on at 7am so I could just have a fucking minute to write. 

I look at the sky outside, gray and blue and definitely not streaking pink gold rainbow magic. 

I tuck Tanner into the blanket, grab my open laptop from where it sits next to him, and migrate to the kitchen table. The sounds of talking Australian cattle dogs create a subtle low level distraction from my efforts to tidy up my pages with the PERFECT CONCLUSION. 

Here it is: 

It’s fucking delusional to operate out of all or nothing thinking, especially when it comes to creativity. 

Especially when it comes to this project. 

There’s no way on this green goddess body of Earth that I’m going to wake up 365 days in a row and have the ideal conditions for a creative outpouring that results in intelligent, heartfelt, dream-sparkled, meaningful writing. 

AND THAT IS OKAY. 

Sometimes Bluey will be playing in the background. Sometimes ‘morning’ will mean 1pm - or 11pm. Sometimes I’ll be sick, exhausted, overcommitted, dealing with a life emergency, or otherwise unable to fulfill my idealistic perfectionistic vision of what this endeavor ‘should’ be. 

It will be - like everything else - great and terrible, stunning and mediocre, a destined pursuit and occasional disaster. 

So today, I am making a decision to allow my delusional brain to continue with its all or nothing romance, but show up to the page, and write anyway. 

Coming Soon: Antisocial Business Club

A note from Amelia (breaking the third wall)

Well hello, gentle reader. A very merry solstice to you. I want to share that in the next few days, I'll be starting to weave in the architechture of my Antisocial Business Club - it's exactly what it sounds like - it's the aspects of this project that are meant to support the health and longevity of my business, without social media. 

I'm aware that you may or may not be interested in the business aspects of this endeavor, so I'd love to ask you directly if that is part of why you are here with me. Are you curious to explore pathways to resourcing yourself that don't require social media? 

Though experimental, I will also be sharing this type of content with a background of fourteen years as an entrepreneur and 8 years coaching. My intention is to share openly, explicitly, and in detail the exact steps I am taking to work on the following areas: 

1. Content Pillars

2. Website SEO & Google Ranking

3. Personal Referral Network

4. Blog Pillar Content & Pinterest

5. Email Marketing & Lead Generation

6. Podcasting (Host or Guest)

7. PR & Writing (Interview & Source Focused)

8. Collaboration & Cross Pollination

9. LinkedIn

10. In Person Events & Online Summits

11. Speaking & Facilitating

12. YouTube

As of now, I intend to share this content behind a paywall - which means that for a monthly contribution of $10, you'll receive access to weekly emails detailing the exact steps I'm taking to grow these areas (one each month for all of 2025). 

The invitation to join the paid subscription will be extended January 1, so in the meantime, give it some thought - and please feel welcome to reply and let me know if you have a special interest in one of these areas. 

Also, ICYMI, my ✨ Soul of 2025 Guide ✨ featuring astrology of the year ahead is now live and available for purchase. You don't wanna miss this one - next year is BIG, in many ways. More on that to come. I am gifting $10 off for solstice weekend, so feel free to head on over and gift yourself something cosmic. 

Thanks for your support in this first tender week. I'm deeply grateful to you.