24. chaos

Wow. 

Just wow.

I am actually astounded at the level of disarray in our house right now. 

On Sunday, a massive storm system moved through the area and after the deluge, we noticed water seeping up from our floorboards. 

Cue panic.

It’s now Thursday, and after ripping up half the floors in the house, our contractor has come to the conclusion that the leak is definitely coming from the shower. 

Or maybe the toilet. 

Or maybe the unsealed front door. 

(blink. blink. blank stare.)

But no matter that we aren’t sure yet, because tomorrow we’ll rip up more of the floors, so we can see just how far the water traveled between the faux-wood vinyl panels and the tile subfloor beneath. 

And also tomorrow another guy will come and rip up the subfloor and remove the CONCRETE so he can inspect the pipes. 

In the meantime, everything from the East wing of the house (ok but that sounds fancy so that’s fun) has been relocated to the West wing (aka the living room and our bedroom) so that we can continue with our scavenger hunt of destruction. 

It is, in a word, chaos.

It is also hilarious (in a zoomed-out-perspective, good-natured, hey-at-least-everyone-is-safe kind of way) because Mars retrograde (That Little Fucker) is currently in Cancer (water sign that rules the home) sitting directly opposite my husband’s natal Moon (a tense standoff with the astrology placement that rules the home) and making a sextile to my Moon (an exciting angle of enthusiasm, apparently for ripping up floors), and the hallmark of Mars retrograde is frustrations and delays. 

So, Universe got jokes. 

We’re all laughing, I promise - way, way, way down beneath this stony face, on the inside. 

Alright, so everything is in disarray. The interruptions every hour from workers have me woefully behind on my work deadlines (yup, the ones I was already painfully delayed on by weeks of illness, injury and the kids holiday break). 

What’s the lesson? 

Where’s the wisdom? 

As I shake my fist at the sky, what am I gaining in spiritual growth from this absolute debacle of domestic destruction?

I’m gonna go with a TBD on that, because right now, I honestly don’t know. 

I’m sure it’s something like patience, fortitude, endurance, diligence, gratitude for the relative peace and tranquility of our regular level of chaos as compared to this extra level. 

What’s also funny is that every day, I sit down and tell myself I am going to write about something else - something meaningful, beneficial to the reader, something that takes me to a place of contemplation and creativity that expands me and stretches my edges as a writer. 

But then the day happens. 

Maybe this is why the Artist’s Way advice is morning pages, not 6:34pm pages, or nearly-midnight pages, or once-the-day-is-quite-fucked pages. 

But honestly, this has me deeply curious as to how this energy of frustration, delays, obstacles, struggling to move forward is showing up for you? 

(OH please for the love of all that is rainbow, tell me you’re feeling it too - not because I want this for you, I just could use a dose of solidarity right now that we aren’t the only ones being grown through adversity right now.) 

Also the astrologer in me is hungry for data and anecdotal evidence and finding veracity and validation in your stories. 

I tell you what, we have a full moon coming up in T-3 days, with the sun in Capricorn conjunct Pluto, Lord of the Underworld, opposite the Moon in Cancer hanging out with That Little Fucker, and all of them squared off in a tense 90 degree angle with our wounded places. The good news? 

(Hold on, I’m looking for it). 

Well, Saturn will be cozied up to Venus, both in the watery sign of Pisces, which at least helps us find compassion and a spiritual perspective amidst the frustration. The moon will also be trine Neptune and the North Node, freshly arrived to Pisces, which on some level indicates that whatever tear-stained, confusing, deluding, aquatic experiences we may be having right now… ultimately they are aligned with our healing, liberation, and destined path. 

(Me, shaking my fist at the moon -)

“It better be.”